Yearning for you
by Nebiru
Summary: Friends for ages… but what is this strange yearning, burning throughout my body and making me writhe in agony at night? Kyouraku, you drunkard, what are you doing to me? ShunUki, yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Yearning for you

Author: Nebiru (ex-Kizune)

Pairing: ShunUki – and, yes, this is yaoi, so beware.

Raiting: R (for some yaoi scenes and swearing)

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the arrangement of words.)

Summary: Friends for ages… but what is this strange yearning, burning throughout my body and making me writhe in agony at night? Kyouraku, you drunkard, what are you doing to me?

Author's comments: This was originally written in my native language and it was my first ShunUki fic. I think back then I haven't yet grasped the heroes' characters well enough, so sometimes Juu can seem a bit too emotional. But, please, bear with it, I hope the story gets better towards the end. Well, don't know, maybe I'm exaggerating (I became content with my writing somewhere around the 4th story). I'll be dividing the original in three parts, so there will be 3 chapters and a considerable amount of time before I get to translate and post the next one. But those of you who will dare to read this - don't worry – I finish everything I start once, because I really hate reading uncompleted fiction and I've seen enough of that in earlier days. Your comments or critics will be greatly appreciated and will, surely, help to speed the process up. I still have no beta and, due to some real life circumstances, no opportunity to find one, so, please, be merciful when you stumble upon a grammar mistake or a mischosen word. I'll try to do my best, promise.

* * *

This is madness! Complete madness! Shit!

My body is being disobedient, even knees are shaking. What the hell? I want to push him away, but I can't as if all the powers left me. I think if I could open my mouth right now, I wouldn't be able to utter a single word. This is… unbearable. So good. I have never…

His lips are on my neck. God, so hot. Teeth scratch the skin, stubble leaves the path of red marks. I am burning inside, melting, ahh-nn… n-no, I shouldn't.

Brace yourself, Ukitake Juushirou. Stop this drunkard before he takes you like one of his many licentious damsels. Just like this, against the wall… Ahh, yesss…

Haori and kosode slide down the shoulder. When did he manage to undo the obi…?

Lips move down – tongue licks my collarbone, leaving the wet trail. It's too hard to breathe now… He touches my bare shoulder with his wide palm, and it makes me writhe even more than the touch of his other hand to my hip. He presses me closer, and despite the heavy cloth I can feel the evidence of his lust.

Damn, I have never felt so alive than right at this moment. This is shameful, but I can't stop.

His lips move down again, hand slides along my chest, undressing me more. Was there any use for clothes at all? I can't hold back a moan, when he takes my nipple into his mouth. I'll be damned. I – one of the most powerful captains of Gotei-13, the pride of commander Yamamoto Genryuusai, the sheer living example of decency and diplomacy for all shinigami, am indulging in lechery right here at the shadowed side street, moaning like a real whore.

Kyouraku, you depraved drunkard, what are you doing to me?

I think I said that aloud, because he smiles drunkenly and shuts me up with a kiss. The back of my head hits the wall painfully, but I don't care. No one has ever kissed me like this. No one… never… before him. No one dared to taste the kiss of death so impudently and with so much passion. My head is spinning. He eats me alive, bits my lips, tasting blood, tortures my mouth with his tongue. He is not afraid of my goddamn illness.

He smells of sake and sweat. Even his pink kimono stinks of alcohol. I am forced to think that he didn't have a bath for at least three days. And this is so… arousing, damn.

A chorus of loud voices and laughter from the main street rushes into my small world of pleasure, breaking and shattering it in a milliard pieces. Suddenly I understand how illusory what is now happening is. We can be seen, there will be rumors, and I won't be able to save my reputation, not to mention, how angry Kyouraku's harem will be… And he is completely drunk anyway, isn't he? I'm sure he just imagines one of his women instead of me right now… And my illness - I, surely, don't want my best friend to catch it, don't I?

Bitterness writhes somewhere inside my chest. _Did you get your hopes up, you idiot? You are cursed to be alone forever. No one will ever take you to his bed. This is your fate…_

Yes… yes, I dared, even though only for a minute, - I tell myself and wrap my hands around Shunsui. He is taller than me. I lower my head on his shoulder. Eyes are stinging treacherously.

- Kyou-kun, don't… please, - I whisper, clinging to him with all my body.

Let me… let me go. It hurts… too much.

I don't know whether he understands me or not, but his grip on me lessens just so I am able to tear myself from his embrace.

I leave.

There is only the starlit sky and the empty street ahead of me.

And the taste of sake on the lips. _His_ taste.

* * *

Days merge into a monotone routine. I do paperwork; put things, which were shelved during the fight with Aizen and his Espada, in order; train my division; read lections at the Academy. I'm not sparing myself, but it doesn't matter. Because the point is to do anything to distract myself from the memory of that mad evening.

I avoid Kyouraku, though I don't really have to.

I realized that he doesn't remember anything the day after, when I saw him at the captains' meeting. Despite the hangover he looked more or less presentable, and only from time to time touched his head - when someone spoke too loud. As Nanao told me later, he had been drinking for the whole three days, because one of his damsels decided to marry someone and left him rather abruptly. Sure, that must have been the great reason to drink himself to death…

I wrinkle my nose along with that thought, push aside the stack of papers and lie down on the futon with hands behind my head.

Recently, despite the tiredness, I've been feeling great, thanks to Unohana.

Though, to tell the truth, now I'd prefer the ardent fever, that usually leaves me with no thoughts and desires… Because my body is burning. It remembers his touch. And it wants more.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Why is it all happening to me?

Am I so hungry for caress that I'm ready to jump in bed with an old friend?

_Liar… you never knew __what that caress is in the first place_, - my inner voice laughs, and I have nothing to counter that. I feel myself pitiful. Surely, even Hitsugaya must have already tasted the forbidden fruit with someone… I rage at myself for idiotic thoughts and rub the reddened cheeks, turning on my side.

I'm almost asleep, when someone knocks on my door. The knocking sounds more like thunder, and it makes me jump up from the futon in an instant. I open the door, only to find a mischievously smiling Kyouraku with two unopened bottles of sake and a large bag of food. I force all dirty and bitter thoughts to the back of my mind and, sighing, let the man in. After all, we have been friends for ages. Too many times we have whiled the evenings away just like this – sitting together – silent or laughing – back to back.

- So, what is your late visit about? – I try to frown, but all my seriousness disappears as I watch him carrying my little table joyously towards the futon. He is whistling some silly song, laying out the food on the table, and I can't help myself smiling, when I notice that he even took cups for sake.

- As if you don't know, Juu-chan! – he answers cheerfully, sitting down more comfortably on my futon. I freeze. Perhaps, there is fear written all over my face, because Kyouraku looks at me with some amount of surprise.

That's it. I'm dead. I feel as if I'm suffocating. My cheeks are burning. I want to vanish completely right here and right now. Oh, God. He knows, he remembers. I hide my face in my hands.

- Juushirou, are you… all right? Yama-jii and I think that you are pushing yourself too hard. That's when I thought that it would be a great idea to spend the evening in a relaxing atmosphere.

…Ah. So that was what he meant. I suppress the urge to laugh nervously and force myself to sit on the second half of the futon. Close to him. I can feel the warmth, radiating from his body, even though there is some distance between us.

He pours sake too slow to my liking and almost drops the bottle in astonishment, when I grab my cup in a flash and gulp down the portion in one go.

- More! – I tell him. I still must be as red as a beet. I want to get drunk.

- Yare-yare, slow down Juu-chan, there is no haste. Eat something. Are you really sure, that everything is ok? – there is doubt in Kyouraku's voice, but I nod briskly, and after the sixth or seventh cup begin to tell him some uncharacteristic for me nonsense about how the world is unfair and that too many people are so evil and that I'm sick and tired of it all. Kyouraku is mostly silent and after the eighth cup he ceases trying to stop me from getting drunk, realizing that that is exactly what I intend to do.

There were precisely two times in my life when I had the same intention. First – when I finished the Academy. And second – when… Kaien died.

I barely touch food and soon a liter and a half of sake settles happily inside my stomach.

Everything becomes blurred and starts spinning when I try to get up, and Kyouraku saves me from falling and hurting my head on the floor right in the last moment. He lays me down on the futon, clears the table and covers me with a blanket, blowing off the lamp.

I fall asleep.

In my dream his kiss is slow and tender, fingertips barely touching my face. He strokes my hair and kisses my lips, cheeks, nose, eyes and forehead. His warmth envelops me, and I sigh contentedly, sleepily embracing his broad shoulders. He kisses the corner of my mouth and blends with the darkness of the night.

* * *

Whoever created the hangover, may he be cursed forever.

I have been embracing the toilet for several hours non-stop, until Kyouraku came to check on me and made me drink some disgusting concoction. I feel so bad, that the way he is standing so close, helping me to get back to the futon, doesn't bother me much.

- Shunsui, you asshole, be damned, - I moan, lying there like a corpse, - Why did you have to bring sake yesterday?

But Shunsui only smiles in return and gives me the second portion of some awful-tasting herbs. Bloody drunkard. Even knows what to take to not feel nauseous. Ah, length of alcoholic experience – I suppose it matters.

Too slow, but the herbs calm my stomach. Finally I relax, breathing in deeply.

- I won't ever drink again, - I say with the belief of a righteous believer.

- Yes, Juu-chan drank too much yesterday, - nods Kyouraku, putting the glass of water beside me.

I look at him furiously.

- What the hell are you doing here anyway? This is definitely all your fault!

My righteous fury knows no bounds, but, unfortunately, the man's cheerful aura turns out to be stronger. He takes his pink kimono and for a minute stands still near the door.

- I just don't want Yama-jii to accuse me of killing his best student, when he'll see you today during the captains' meeting.

I hem.

- Of leading you astray, so to speak, - he adds jokingly, but for a second it seems that his smile is false and doesn't reach his serious eyes, hidden under the straw hat.

A second – and the moment is gone together with the man behind the threshold. Was it or not?

I stretch on the futon, leaving the piles of paper work to Kotsubaki and Kotetsu, and try to make the persistent thoughts go away. Despite the residues of the hangover, my cheeks still redden when I think about Kyouraku.

Day after day passes in exactly the same way. I'm working less to avoid Yamamoto-sensei's attention, but as a result I have too much free time. Which I spend, persuading myself, that I don't want to see Kyouraku and feel his embrace like back then… to feel with every cell of my skin that maddening heat, to answer his kiss, arch under his strong hands…

Damn, this is too much. Do I really sound like a silly girl, who fell in love and is longing for her man? It's unbearable. It seems that now, when my illness has finally retreated for an unknown amount of time, my body woke up. Never in my life have I wanted anyone so much. Not with my body, not with my soul.

God, is this what I really deserve?

I sigh, put on my haori and leave for the territory of the eighth division. Kyouraku haven't visited me for three days, and judging by his appearance at the yesterday's meeting, he is off on another jag. I meet Nanao near the entrance to his office. She is in rage – anyone can tell – she squeezes the papers so hard and looks so fixedly at the ground as if ready to blow up any moment. She runs to me when I hail her.

- Ukitake-taichou, please, do something! Taichou is drinking again! No-no, I understand that it's in his nature, but this… this is going too far.

I calm Nanao and promise to beat some sense into Kyouraku, and the girl leaves.

The door squeaks as it always does. But then I am forced to cover my nose with the sleeve of my haori, because it is impossible to breathe inside the room. The stuffy air and the stench of alcohol are choking me.

The room is a complete mess. I can't even find Kyouraku before I accidentally notice him hiding among the mountain of empty bottles and some old rags. What the hell is wrong with him?

I grab hold of his kosode front and drag the drunken bastard to the nearest couch. He is in a deep sleep. His hair is tangled, stubble threatens to become a beard, and his chin and neck are sticky and coated with dirt. It seems as if he crawled – quite literally – outside and gathered all the dirt from the ground.

After leaving him on the couch, I open the window to air the room from the awful stench. Then I pick up bottles and rubbish into the lying rags and carry the pile outdoors.

I feel myself like a housewife.

Damn you, Shunsui.

Back in the room I pull Kyouraku's dirty haori off his sleeping form and wet the towel in the water to try and rub the dirt at least off his face. He mumbles something in his sleep and makes an attempt to push me away with his hands, when I start rubbing his neck.

- Lily-chan… you are… back… - says Kyouraku, and I can't fight the urge to roll my eyes.

- Yes-yes, I'm here. Sleep.

Blast it! Now I am a Lily-chan for you, huh? I freeze, suddenly feeling the hungry spark of jealousy inside.

I put the towel away. Shunsui sleeps peacefully again. I can hear the starting rain behind the window. I can hear how the rain slowly turns into a downpour. My thoughts are drawn-out, they don't want to come to a logical conclusion. _I_ don't want.

We have been friends for ages. I can give my life away for him without blinking. I understand him like no one else. I always put up with his irritating habits. The times when I laugh the most is when I'm with him. And now I want him. And I am jealous.

Oh… God. Do I love him?

Surely I went off my head.

I lean closer to Kyouraku, my grey hair falls on his face and I realize that I am completely mad if I am really going to steal this kiss from his drunken lips, which smell of sake. As if in a trance I close my eyes and my lips are almost on his, when…

- Juu-chan… what are you doing? – he whispers sleepily. I shrink back from him with a red face and almost fall from the edge of the couch. And then I run out of his office as if a thousand arrancars, led by Aizen, is after me. I stop only at the outskirts of Soul Society, soaked to the bones. I have never shunpo-ed so fast.

Rrrargh, what a shame! I ran away just like a teenage girl would've done. Shit. Fuck. Shit.

I want to scrape the nearest wall with my hands.

I am an idiot. An i-di-ot. Why did I have to do that?

Rushing about the outskirts for some time, I reluctantly decide to go back home. I don't want to catch a flue and develop a fever. I carefully look around, but no, Kyouraku doesn't wait for me neither behind the corner, nor inside. Perhaps, he is sleeping again.

After showering I bury myself in the blankets on the futon.

My cheeks are still burning.

If he didn't wake up…

If he didn't wake up, then…

If he…

I fall asleep, lulled by the rain.

- _…you would've felt my taste on your lips._


	2. Chapter 2

Author's comments: Here goes part two. Thank you for reviewing.) After this there will be one more chapter and it will be longer than this one, so… unfortunately, you'll have to wait until I translate it (the whole THREE goddamned A4 sheets of paper with 8th font size with an ancient dictionary and no decent net traffic at work - I'll die, arghh).

* * *

All right, I admit it. I am shamefully running away from him around the whole Seireitei. The only place, where our roads cross, are Yamamoto-sensei's captain meetings. Sometimes I even have to use shunpo to avoid running into him. I am truly pitiful.

All this nerves… to tell the truth, I'm awfully tired of it all. Furthermore, it seems that now I'll have to face serious consequences for that idiotic run under the rain. With each day I am feeling myself worse and worse. So that eventually I have no choice but to give myself in to Unohana-sempai. She is frowning and looking at me with such displeasure that I wish I didn't. I think if Unohana could just let herself show some anger, I would've been immediately crucified on the nearest wall.

Her prognosis is not encouraging. And after I am stuffed with medicine I am sent home with a strict order to sleep. I summon up all my strength, realizing that I won't be enjoying the next few days in the least. How long would it take this time? A week or two? Or maybe I'll be bedridden for half of a year like last time… Thoughts about my illness distract me from thinking about Kyouraku, and at least for that I am grateful to my damned tuberculosis.

In the evening I can already feel how the fiery heat is rising inside my body. I bury myself in the blankets and try to stifle coughing. Kotetsu and Kotsubaki bother me by dropping in my room to check on me every ten minutes and by that letting the night cold in along with them. I really like these two young kids, always arguing about every little thing, but sometimes I am forced to admit that they can be way too troublesome. At last my patience reaches its limit and there are steel notes in my voice when I dismiss them till morning.

The door closes behind them, and I cough again, coughing up a blood clot to one of the prepared for me kerchiefs. My lungs are burning. Breathing sounds more like wheezing. I constantly wipe the sweat off my brow. This is not the strongest attack, provoked by a simple cold, that I managed to get through during my life, but after a long break it still seems too severe. As if my lungs can be torn to pieces any moment, and I'll spit them out with blood.

I don't know for how long I fidget on the futon before a pitiful semblance of sleep claims me.

In the middle of the night I dream that someone puts a cold, wet rag on my forehead and wipes the sweat off. The cold on a burning skin feels like heaven, and I lean involuntary into the thoughtful hand. But I am too tired to look whose hand it is.

Days drag on painfully slow. I can barely stand on my feet during the light of day to get to the toilet and let Kotsubaki and Kotetsu change the sheets and dirty kerchiefs. Unohana comes every day, injecting different medicine into my body, and promises that the attack won't last too long. I eat nothing except broth, but even it makes me sick.

At night I can feel someone's presence, and the same careful hand wipes with a cold towel blood off my lips and sweat off my brow. One of these nights I force myself to open the eyes despite that my eyelids seem to be filled with lead. The room is dark, my vision is blurred, but Kyouraku's pink kimono can't be mistaken for anything else. I try to say something, but manage to just open my mouth, and the coughing fit catches me. He helps me to lie on my side, because this way it's easier and safer to spit out the blood, and after I rinse my mouth he helps me to lie back and wipes my face with a towel.

I want to thank him, but I can't, and instead - I reach for his wide palm and try to squeeze it with my fingers. He takes my hand into his and, smiling, begins to stroke it with slow, calming movements. I fall asleep gradually, feeling the warmth of his hand and knowing that I am safe. When the morning comes, he is not there.

I am being ill for about a week more, and can always feel Kyouraku near my futon in the harshest hours of night. He holds my hand, and somehow the illness becomes easier to bear. A week after the fever thankfully goes down, and Unohana is smiling openly, promising that she will get me up in no time.

When the illness finally abates, I am pretty much exhausted, and have to gain the lost weight by – literally – devouring lots of food and vitamins. But I am content that I can start working again, even if it is only paper work for now.

Several days pass, and only then I do notice that something is missing. I freeze with a pen in my hand and pale, when the understanding hits me. Kyouraku doesn't come anymore, doesn't ask my lieutenants about me and is nowhere to be seen at all.

I put on some warm clothes, because it is rather cold outside and head to his office. I try not to remember what happened before I got sick, otherwise my determination will sink into oblivion.

His office meets me with a strained silence. I can't find Kyouraku inside and for some time just walk round the building, and then start my search for Nanao. It is strange, but I can't find the girl anywhere also.

Worry begins to writhe somewhere in my stomach, and my step quickens.

Yamamoto-sensei scolds me for walking after the fit in such a cold weather, but soon his tirade suddenly stops, perhaps, because he notices the echoes of worry in my eyes. I apologize and ask him the only question I am interested in right now. Where the hell is Kyouraku?

The old man avoids looking me in the eye, sits more comfortably in his chair and quietly answers.

Seems like not all arrancars were killed during the last fight with Aizen. A couple of pretty strong ones managed to survive and their existence was now threatening the whole Soul Society, so that's why the eighth division was sent to Hueco Mundo to deal with the problem. Kyouraku personally volunteered to take on the mission.

I go back home, mind reeling in shock. Even after Aizen's death a walk in the world of hollows – is definitely not like a walk in the park.

For about an hour I rummage through the papers, mind not really set on work. And then my fingers clench into fists by themselves and with a roar I sweep the stack of papers together with an ink-pod and a cup of tea off the table. I lower my head, feeling the painful ache deep inside my heart.

My palm is burning – right where Kyouraku was tenderly moving his fingers during the nights, making the shivers run up and down my arm.

My body suddenly cramps with one and only silent prayer.

_Come back safely. Please.

* * *

_

Two weeks pass before Yamamoto-sensei finally gives me permission to leave for Hueco Mundo. And I'm sure - only because otherwise I'd have driven the whole Gotei completely mad.

But what other choices were left for me? The eighth division had come back safely, but without their captain, who foolishly decided to track one of the surviving arrancars all by himself and sent others home.

I've lasted out the whole two weeks. Two weeks of constant worry and troubled dreams, of warm memories of his touch and smile. Two weeks of agony. My damned illness can't even dare to be compared with these feelings. Perhaps Genryuusai and others are sure that Kyouraku is all right, but I can't wait anymore. I have to find that drunkard. He would be better off just staying in Seireitei and drinking himself to death.

The only things I take with me are a black and white cape and my zanpakutou. No haori. Don't want any unnecessary attention, do I?

Right now I am as strong as ever, and the black abyss of Garganta doesn't scare me at all.

I descend to the world of hollows, sand rustles under my feet, and I pull on the cape, which conceals my reiatsu, with white side up, blending with the desert.

I follow the route of the eighth division until I reach the place, where Kyouraku took off on his own. Sand gets into my clothes, dares to jump into my mouth and makes my eyes water. I almost don't see any hollows on the way, and the ones I stumble across jump aside, avoiding me like the plague. Smart fellows.

I am forced to make several quite long circles on the area before I manage to come upon - supposedly - Kyouraku's trail. I frown anxiously because the trail is – blood, dried up on the rocky sand. I don't know whose blood it is – Kyouraku's or arrancar's. I go forward, sometimes losing the trail, but trying to orient myself with the other stains.

Gradually sand turns into low hills, and then suddenly these low hills fly high up and turn into rocky mountains of a dull black color. I throw my cape the black side on and look around. There are many small caves, and I can see a ravine not too far.

It's not very easy to search the dried blood on the black stones, I think with annoyance, continuing to move forward. I almost miss it, but the metallic glitter makes me stop. It turns out to be a piece of steel. Though not a part of Kyouraku's zanpakutou, I realize with some amount of relief.

I decide to inspect the area more closely and soon come to conclusion, that the fight took place right here. There are some traces of a sword hitting the stones, and one can see the deep cracks in the rocky slopes as if someone was thrown or knocked there with full-force… Squinting, I can finally discern the blood in several places.

After some doubts I turn towards the ravine and soon understand that I wasn't wrong. Behind the second turning I find the arrancar – thankfully, dead. But there is Katen Kyoukotsu, jutting out of his chest and stomach, and it makes me genuinely worry, because I can't imagine Kyouraku leaving his zanpakutou just like this.

I pull the katana and wakizashi out of the enemy's body, quickly rub the blood off them and somehow hook them on to my own sheath, where Sougyo no Kotowari slumbers. After making sure that the fallen arrancar is dead for good, I go forward, and my step quickens. The dried blood under my feet doesn't fill me with enthusiasm at all. And a small cave, where the trace ends, meets me with an ominously opened-wide mouth. I clench my fists and dive into the darkness.

I have to make a small bundle of light with my reiatsu, because it is pitch dark inside. But I don't have to go deep, because next minute I stumble at something… look down and suddenly I am feeling as if I'm ready to die right here from the terrible sight in front of me.

He lies face down on cold stones in a puddle of dried blood. Unconscious, haori and kimono torn to shreds, body covered with barely skinned over wounds and dirt, hair all tangled and in blood. For a second it seems like he is dead, and I fall on my knees near him to embrace his shoulders and kiss the pale face. But a faint breath makes me freeze and gives me hope.

When I try to move him to examine his wounds closer, he suddenly moans and opens his eyes a little bit.

- Juu… chan. You came… for me.

- Of course, - I nod, fighting back tears. Perhaps he wants to reach out for me with his hand, but all he manages to do is move his fingers a little. He smiles tiredly.

- What a nice… dream…

He falls unconscious again and doesn't wake up anymore. Even when I somehow lift him on to my back. He is awfully heavy, there is a long way ahead, but I'll be damned if I don't manage to carry him to Garganta.

Unohana and all the forth division are in shock when I appear in Seireitei with my barely alive burden. Retsu fusses over the wounded without a break for several days, and all this time I pace behind the closed door like a sentry. Yamamoto-sensei comes every day, ignoring my furious stare, but I know, that the old man definitely feels some guilt, otherwise he wouldn't bring his ass here every day.

A week later Kyouraku regains consciousness and Unohana, looking satisfied, finally lets me in. For a long time I sit near him in silence, and when he falls asleep I take his palm into mine and begin to caress every millimeter of skin on his hand with careful touch. In his sleep he moves closer to my hand and I can't help stroking his still tangled hair.

Before leaving I leave Katen Kyoukotsu in the new custom-made sheath on the table.

I feel myself drained. At home I stand still for a long time in the middle of my room.

I am exhausted. Physically and emotionally. I have hardly slept all these days, while Unohana tried to save his life.

I fall on my futon and look out of the window. I want so much for the rain to pour down, but behind the window there is only the annoyingly bright and shining sun.

My head is empty, and no sound reaches me.

Like if I was deafened.

Oh, yes… I remember suddenly.

It was _silent_ in Hueco Mundo. Just like now.

* * *

Days flit by, and even Zaraki, usually interested only in fighting, starts to notice that something is wrong with Kyouraku. He doesn't wear his pink kimono and straw hat, he is clean-shaven every day, and his kosode and hakama smell of freshness of clean clothes. He dives into his work and doesn't drink sake anymore. Nanao and I are in shock, because there are also no any records of bringing women to his bed. Yamamoto-sensei, looking at all this decent glory, scratches his beard thoughtfully and disapprovingly shakes his head. All of the questions about his new "style" Kyouraku ignores or just smiles evasively, saying some idiotic nonsense that a captain of Gotei-13 should set a good example for his subordinates. He has changed so much in the last days, that Kurotsuchi absolutely seriously suggests to take him to his laboratory and perform a couple of experiments to find out whether something happened to him in Hueco Mundo.

My patience reaches its limit, when during one of the captains' meetings Kyouraku calls the old man

'Yamamoto-sensei' instead of 'Yama-jii'. Genryuusai is sitting on his chair, staring wide-eyed at Kyouraku, mouth opened too, and I flare out in fury, grab Kyouraku by the shoulder and nearly kick him out of the meeting hall. The captains watch in shock as the door slams behind us.

Kyouraku stays silent until I drag him down the stairs – far from the curious ears. We stop only at the foot of the stairs, and I try desperately to catch his eye. But he doesn't look at me, raises his hand to pull the hat, which is not there, over his eyes, and winces, realizing that with this move he has just given himself away.

- What the hell is this show for? – I ask him sternly.

- I don't understand what you mean, Juushirou, - answers he and only shrugs his shoulders in response to my other questions.

Why the hell does he behave himself like that? I jerkily grab hold of his kosode front and pin him against the column. He is not resisting, and there is the same indifferent expression on his face, which pisses me off indescribably.

- Stop lying to me, enough, Shunsui! Just tell me! – I am almost shouting now and I can't stop. I am on the verge of a breakdown.

His move is so fast, that I don't have time to react. A second ago I was pinning him to a white cold stone, and now the positions have switched, and he presses me into the column with all his body… Gods, this is heaven.

He leans to me and whispers so quietly, that I can barely make out the words.

- Are you sure you want to know the answer?

He doesn't give me a chance to reply and I'm not really sure that it would have been "yes".

A second… and I find myself free, standing alone, holding onto the column, trying to even out my breathing.

What was that? What did I miss? It can't be that all this time…

No-no-no, it's definitely my imagination, all this dreams and hints… Maybe I simply want this to turn out to be truth too much, that's why…

I frown, realizing that I don't understand anything at all. I'm tired and I need a drink. I should get back to the meeting though, but… I send it all to hell and go home, grabbing a bottle of sake in a small shop by the way. I hope Yamamoto-sensei won't be angry too much…

Day turns into evening. From time to time I refill my cup of sake, lying comfortably on the futon, thinking about everything that transpired in the last months and trying to come out with an answer what I should do. Somewhere in the middle of the night a crazy thought finds its way into my thoughts, and I lie motionless for a long time. I taste the thought from different angles and find it to my liking. A drunken smile forms on my lips. I swear to myself to realize the plan no matter what the cost.

In the morning I'm terrified of what I have thought up, but there is no way back. I stay at home for a week, don't let Kotsubaki and Kotetsu in and even find the courage to tell Unohana to go away when she comes to check up whether I am down with fever again. One time it seems as if I can almost hear Kyouraku's voice, talking with my officers, but, perhaps, it's my own imagination. In any case no one bothers me anymore, and a week later I am ready to realize my plan.

I arrive to the captains' meeting in all my glory. That is…

Hair is tangled and pulled up into a disheveled pony-tail; unshaved, with quite impressing stubble; with red in flowers kimono over my haori and a straw hat, which I pull over my eyes to not die from laughter after seeing the reaction on captains' faces. Seems like Hitsugaya has finally come to a conclusion, that the eldest two captains of Gotei-13 has gone completely mad. Yamamoto-sensei sits with a stone face, looking at me from head to toe and groaning a little, but whether from shock or just suppressing laughter I don't know. Kyouraku stands near, eyes are absolutely crazy, and I smile at him in his favorite playful manner. His eyes are on me until the end of the meeting, but I successfully avoid him and go home. Straight into hitting the bottle.

My lieutenants are terrified when they have to drag me to bed with force from the nearest bar. I keep this charade on for the whole three weeks, and the gossips about "ah, how low poor Ukitake-taichou has fallen" fly around Seireitei with the speed of light. Every day I flirt with women, though I don't try to seduce them, of course. But people love to exaggerate, so sometimes these gossips reach such a spicy level, that I am roaring with laughter at nights.

Be that as it may, but I don't have the same length of alcoholic experience like Kyouraku does, and every morning I look worse and worse. No one cancelled the hangover yet. Despite that I understand that I have achieved some results, when three weeks later in the evening Kyouraku storms into the bar with a thunderous expression on his face and grabs me in his arms, dragging me out of the group of beautiful girls. I am feeling high and laugh all the way, stumbling here and there.

He leads me into a deep alley in the nearest park, and before I open my mouth to say something, he is already embracing me, leaning his head on my shoulder. I can hear desperation, almost tears, in his voice, and I listen to him and feel myself ashamed, suddenly realizing that the game has been going for far too long.

- That's enough, enough, please, you are not like this. Don't... I'll do everything you want, just stop tormenting yourself so much. Don't… anymore, - he whispers hectically, hands tightening around me. I am silent and instead of answering I embrace him. I don't know for how long we just stand here, but the warmth of his hands and body slowly envelops me, and I know that I'd gladly spend the rest of my life – or an eternity - just like this…

I am really very tired, add to that the amount of sake I poured inside my stomach again, so I can't resist the sudden drowsiness, drawn by this wonderful warmth. The earth under my legs disappears, and I feel myself being lifted in the air – is he carrying me like I am some silly young girl? Ah, but I don't care, can't even open my eyes, though I can hear how Kotetsu and Kotsubaki fuss, opening the doors for him.

He lowers me on the futon, takes off my red kimono and covers me with a blanket. The last thing I feel is a light touch of his lips to my forehead.

I fall asleep.

The show is over, ladies and gentlemen.


	3. Chapter 3

Warning: **yaoi scenes finally, be warned**;).

Author's comments: Here goes the last part of the story. Sorry for the delay, my dear readers. Work has regrettably piled up, and at home my lover threatened to throttle me if I spent our precious time on translating this, the online game has been eating my mind again, and - add to that - I was engrossed in writing another two crazy AUs with Shunsui as… oh, no-no, or you'll steal my ideas, ahaha. But I've made it despite all the hardships, so… _yey, a cookie for me_! =) By the way, thank you again for your wonderful reviews. About Juu swearing from time to time, well, I couldn't help it – especially in this fic – he is so cute when he swears, ahh. He is not doing it that much in my other stories (-inner voice: that IS because you are making him suffer every goddamn time and he has nothing else to do but to suffer, you bitch). _Ooh, shut me up already, I'm in such a good mood! =)_

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* * *

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I look out of the window, lost in melancholy, head propped up by my hand. The rain has been pouring down for three days already. If it goes like this, some areas of Seireitei would surely be flooded. And then there will be lots of reconstruction and restoration works… I sigh, realizing that I can't run away from other thoughts, and move away from the window.

Since that evening a month has passed, and slowly everything returned back to normal again. I stopped imitating Shunsui, and he stopped imitating me. During the next captains' meeting he appeared in his usual pink kimono and the straw hat, and I got rid of mine, and everyone seemed relieved. I stopped drinking and gadding about bars, and started working – to crown Kotetsu and Kotsubaki's joy. And he stopped shaving and soon could be seen with his famous stubble. The gossiping has died down, and only Yamamoto-sensei continued to glance from time to time at our sour faces.

Something was wrong. Something was missing. And not only I could feel that. This strange emptiness between us – right where the fire of friendship had been burning before – could be noticed by those who knew us well enough. One day Unohana stopped me right after the meeting and nailed me to the spot with a serious look.

- It's not my business, of course, Juushirou, but you are tormenting both him and yourself, - she said sternly, and there must have been such a look of horror on my face, that she smiled involuntary, - Relax. It's hardly noticeable, only close people can guess. Here is my advice: sort out your feelings as fast as you can, otherwise you'll lose him.

I frowned, and she continued when she saw the question in my eyes.

- Well, you know how many women he had. Do you really think that there aren't any among all of them who really love him? That there aren't clever enough to surround him with care and heal his heart, to give him the much needed warmth? Listen to me, Ukitake, and use your chance while you have it.

I couldn't fall asleep for a long time after that talk, tried to decide something a couple of times, but then only moaned in frustration, understanding that I'm not ready for anything, and that I'm, simply speaking, scared shitless of deciding anything at all.

The rain is pattering peacefully on the roof, and I fling the window open, letting the cool fresh air into the room. Time seems to stretch. The minute hand barely crawls on the face of the wall clock, and I freeze together with it. _Shhhh_ – the rain whispers, hiding all the sounds.

I turn around and look at the front door. Was it my imagination…?

I make a step forward, then one more and rest my forehead against the door. I stand there for some time, listening to my own breathing. I can't hear anything except the pouring rain. Then I go back towards the table, and my fingers grab hold of the back of the chair.

The gust of wind bursts into the window, tossing the cold sobering drops at me.

I rush back, open the door and…

So it is. He is leaving.

- Shunsui! – I cry, and he stops, but doesn't turn to me.

I clench my hands into fists, leaning onto the doorpost, and tell him in a quieter voice.

- Come back.

My heart pounds against my ribs. Never in my life was I so afraid. He draws near, enters the room and I close the door behind him. He is soaked to the bones, his gaze doesn't leave the floor, and one hand grips the straw hat, which is bleeding with water. I force his fingers to unclench, and the hat slowly falls on the floor. Perhaps, his hands are shaking and he wants to hide that, because next moment he grabs hold of his heavy, soaked up with water, kimono. I pull it away from his shoulders, but he refuses to let it go.

- Give me that, – I tell him and pull it towards myself.

- No, – he says and pulls it back.

We idiotically fight over his kimono, until suddenly I realize the absurdity of the whole situation. I laugh silently, letting the fabric fall, and fold my arms around his shoulders. For the first time he looks at me, and I smile warmly.

- You are soaked. And cold. Just take off that damned clothes.

He embraces me by waist, throwing the kimono away, and sighs contentedly, burying nose in my hair. Then he lets me go and takes off his waraji, while I make us tea.

We barely talk – I suppose because neither I nor he can find the right words. Just exchange news and lament about the upcoming flood, but I think he likes to listen to the rain just like I do. The sky slowly darkens, but he isn't in a hurry to go away. _I_ don't want him to go away.

In the hissing rain his question, asked in a whisper, can be barely heard, but it makes my face redden, and I don't turn to him, when I answer.

- Juu, can I… lie down with you?

-…Yes.

We sit there for some time. But now we are silent, and I can't drive away the color from my cheeks. Then I make the futon ready and go out to the second room to dress in a kimono I always use at night. I take another one from the wardrobe. Surely, Kyouraku isn't going to sleep in his half-wet hakama and kosode… Oh, God, tell me I didn't have the thought that he can lie down with me without clothes at all a second ago, please. _Oh, you're such a pervert, Ukitake!_ – my inner voice laughs, and somehow I manage to persuade myself not to smash my head against the nearest wall.

I go back and offer the black kimono to Kyouraku with slightly shaking hands. I can't look at him. I've been as red as a beet the whole evening. He takes it, but I can feel his piercing eyes, fixed on me, with my skin.

- What? – I ask a little bit nervously, and want to vanish into thin air when he answers.

- Juu-chan is beautiful. Silver suits you.

I cough to hide the embarrassment and make a step towards the futon. I don't know if I'll survive this night. Honestly. I lie down.

He takes off his kosode and hakama, and I can't help myself watching his broad back, wondering whether it will be warm and comfortable to nestle up to it all night long… He puts on kimono, and it turns out to be slightly short for him, because he is taller than me, and his shoulders are so broad… Next time I should… Stop. _Next_ time?..

I am so engrossed in my thoughts, that I don't notice how Kyouraku kneels near the futon.

- Juushirou, I can leave… if you want.

I meet his gaze, and there is so much fear in his eyes. I can't stand that and reach out for him with my hand.

- Come here. You don't have to leave.

He gets under the blanket, and I'm afraid that my heart is going to jump out – so hard it pounds against the rib cage. He lies near on his side and looks at me, but doesn't try to touch me at all. I don't dare move. I feel myself as a game, that can be bitten to death by a hunting dog. I even try not to breathe too loud.

I am pitiful-pitiful-pitiful. I want to howl.

Kyouraku is smiling slightly, especially when he catches my guarded looks. I don't know how much time passes, but, in the end, the rain lulls him to sleep. He closes his eyes, turns on his back, sighs and goes right in the arms of Morpheus. I can't fall asleep and listen to his evened out breathing, finally relaxing.

I can feel his body warmth, and I want to cuddle up to him, but I'm afraid. Of what exactly I still can't understand. Even if he wakes up, he won't jump on me, will he? This is Shunsui after all, not Aizen, damn it! I wince from the image of Aizen lying with me instead of Kyouraku and chuckle nervously. I went off my head. No doubt.

Carefully I lean closer to Shunsui, hesitate for a minute more, and then find myself moving his arm aside and resting my head on his shoulder. My other hand lowers on his chest, and I snuggle up to his side.

I breathe in his unique smell. Yes, this is definitely heaven. He is so… warm. I want to rub my nose against him and purr, but I don't do that of course. Slowly I fall asleep.

Amidst the night I feel how his arms wind around me and how he kisses my face. I'm too sleepy to understand what the hell he is doing, and I give myself up to his caresses, arching on the futon under his body and quietly gasping for air from his touch. He doesn't let his hands slide under my kimono, but for a long time kisses along my neck and bites my shoulder. His breath quickens, he presses me against the futon stronger, and I can feel his desire, when one of his legs finds its way between mine.

I am so relaxed from sleep, that what is happening doesn't embarrass me at all, and, perhaps, my body wants him in return. He must be feeling it, because he groans quietly and goes on rubbing against me. Unbearably slowly. At some moment he shivers, squeezes my shoulders with strength and kisses me on the lips. I answer his leisurely kiss, full of tenderness, gratitude and warmth.

He lies back, recovering his breath, and I fall asleep again, despite my own desire. I think I'm going to climb the walls in shame in the morning, but I want to sleep so much, that I'm not worried about what was going on a moment ago right now.

When I open my eyes, the rain is still pouring down.

Shunsui is not there, and for a second it seems as if it all had been a dream. But - no. There is a black kimono, folded neatly and lying near me on the pillow. I take it and foolishly breathe in Shunsui's smell.

My cheeks redden, but I am smiling.

* * *

During the following days I come to a conclusion, that I understand nothing at all in this world. I was ready for any actions Kyouraku would take, down to continuing the lechery that happened at night, but the way he behaves himself makes me so horribly mad. Surely, I am not some faceless whore for one night to ignore me so, am I?

He has the guts to walk past me indifferently out in the street, and at the captains' meetings he stands in the farthest corner – faraway from me. He orders Nanao to send me back when I come to talk to him, and if I _am_ lucky to avoid his lieutenant and get inside his office, he dares to pretend that he is so awfully busy and always asks me to leave him alone and let him work in peace. Time after time he gives me the go-by in such a crude way, that I always leave, slamming the door loudly.

What the hell? I can't believe that he just toyed with me like with one of his women.

Day after day when I manage to catch him on his way, I demand an explanation from him, demand to tell me, what is going on, but he always finds an excuse to run away or to send me packing. And every evening at home I sit motionlessly on the futon, clasping the black kimono in my trembling hands… Curse him, but I won't cry. I won't.

At the end of the second month, I give up.

I stop bothering him, load myself with lots of work, and hide the kimono back in the wardrobe. I try not to think of anything in particular and do all the daily duties automatically. Kotetsu and Kotsubaki ask me whether I am all right every single day, and I answer that - yes, of course - and smile to them with a sad and tired smile. One of these days, after the planned medical checkup, I and Unohana-sempai decide to have a cup of tea and so we leave together the forth division, and I stop dead in my tracks at the sight of Kyouraku, kissing furiously some white-haired woman. He holds her in his hands so passionately as if wishing to suck out her soul with that kiss, and I hate this girl and for the first time in my life I truly hate Shunsui. I feel like I can die any second.

I stand there motionless, watching them, and I can't turn away from the ongoing show. It takes Unohana only one look at my face to rush forward, and I am too late to stop her. A second later the girl is shoved aside, and Retsu is slapping Kyouraku in the face – so hard, that it leaves the bloody marks from the nails. Shunsui is shocked to see the dripping blood on his palm, which he covers the scratched cheek with.

- You scum, - Unohana says quietly, but clearly, and then returns to me, takes my hand and leads me away. At my home she makes me tea and strokes my hair while I continue to gaze on one spot, trying to understand why everything should be like this. And then I can't hold back the silent tears anymore, so I lie down and hide my face in the pillow. Unohana is terrified and tries to calm me the way she can.

- I am… not one of his… whores. How could he… do this to me? – I ask her desperately.

How could you, Shunsui? I have never allowed myself to fall in love. And you knew it. You gave me hope, you asshole. You gave me hope, that there is someone in this world who doesn't care about my illness. You made me feel alive, you idiot. You were kissing me and touching me as if there was a promise of eternity. How could you, Kyouraku Shunsui? How could you?

- So there was _something_ between you… - Unohana guesses, wiping off the tears from my cheeks with a handkerchief. I nod weakly, and she frowns.

- Well… then I should have slapped him full-force.

Retsu stays with me until evening, brews me calming tea and draws me into abstract talking, remembering the academy years and silly stories from our youth. Unohana is such a good friend, that despite everything, I begin to feel myself a little bit better.

- Look outside, Juu... - she says, and I glance behind the window. At first I do not understand what she means – too hard to make out anything in the darkness - but then I notice the slowly whirling snowflakes. They are falling on earth, losing themselves in their special bewitching dance.

Finally, the late winter has come to the lands of shinigami. Once again I will be forced to take the scarf and the heavy winter kosode and hakama out of my wardrobe if I don't want to catch a flue and be bedridden. Soon the temperature will go down, and it will be really cold outside, and I'll have to be super careful to avoid everything that can cause tuberculosis attacks. But right now… I am lulled to sleep by this beautiful white dance…

Hearing the muffled voices, I abruptly open my eyes, realizing that I have really fallen asleep. At first I think that it's Unohana talking with my officers, but then I pale and freeze, lying on the futon, when the voices are approaching my doorstep and I can hear them more clearly. One of the two people is definitely Unohana-sempai, yes, but the second… It's Kyouraku. Why the hell has he brought his traitorous ass here? I suppose, Retsu has the same question, because she asks him in a rather harsh tone:

- What are you doing here, Shunsui? Go away.

Next moment Kyouraku is almost begging her, and it makes me listen to the conversation with more attention.

- Please, Retsu. I need to talk to him.

- In my opinion you've done enough already. And yet you have the impudence to come here? You know what, Shunsui – you are a fucking womanizer, so go back to your pretty ladies quietly. I thought I saw something in you beyond this, when you were looking at Juushirou with that hungry yearning in your eyes, acting like a stupid drunkard just to be able to reach him at least for a minute… I didn't realize you were such a bastard.

…Oh. So that's the way it is. It means most probably he wasn't drunk back then. The first time we… Perhaps, maybe when I was clearing the rubbish from his office, he too wasn't as drunk as much as he tried to seem?

- Retsu, please…

- No. Go away. Don't make me fight with you over this.

There are steel notes, full of threat, in Unohana's voice. She wasn't chosen as a captain simply for her healing abilities, be sure.

- Shit, all right, I _am_ an asshole, Retsu! And, you know what else I am? I am a _coward_! I love him - I have been in love with him for a long time. I've lost count of years and centuries since I realized that he is the only one for me. But he never – _ever_ – noticed anything, so yes – I got tired of living with that. And in the end decided to try my luck, understanding that it can't be worse anyway. I've yearned for him for so long, fucking with all those brainless whores, imagining him under me instead of all of them. I knew I couldn't bear it if in the morning he would have told me that it had been one big and ugly mistake.

A pause follows. I don't know whether Unohana guesses that I am not sleeping anymore, but she has no intention of ending the talk. I listen further, trying to gather up my chaotic thoughts.

- Splendid! – Unohana's voice is full of sarcasm, - So you had the guts to leave him alone the morning after he finally let you in? And then – for the whole two months you've been sending him packing just because of this stupid fear of yours? You dare to tell me that - not even once, no - you haven't realized that if he wanted so much to speak to you about what happened, that in reality he _did_ care?

- Shit, I'm telling you I chickened out! I tortured both him and myself, but I couldn't do anything. I was afraid. What if he wanted to talk to me about staying friends and no more?

Unohana sighs loudly. I can hear it even from my room.

- You, men, almost everyone are such unimaginable idiots. Well then, why the heck were you chewing that woman's face today?

Kyouraku is silent for a moment, and I feel the pain in my heart and tears in my eyes are starting anew.

- I… well… She looked a bit like Juu, so…

I stare at the ceiling with round eyes, and, perhaps, Retsu's eyes are similar to mine right now.

- Excuse me, but… WHAT?

Kyouraku seems to hesitate for a second, trying to find the words.

- I'm telling you, oh, God… how to explain… After I… after I kissed him for the first time, well, ah, I… couldn't… couldn't get _it_ up. With women. And that girl looked like Juu, so I just wanted to find out, if I can… get _it_ up again or no… I wasn't going to sleep with her, even if I could, honestly!

- Whaaat? - Retsu must be openly smiling now, - You didn't get _it_ up, did you?

I hide my face in my hands, stifling the nervous laugh.

- Didn't, - Kyouraku sighs heavily, and Unohana bursts into laughing – I would've never thought that she can laugh like this. And I can't take it anymore – I get up from the futon and go outside, opening the door and leaning on the doorframe. Shunsui's cheeks slightly redden, when he understands that I've heard everything, and he hides his eyes under his straw hat. The marks from the slap look ugly red on his face.

Retsu, still laughing, takes her haori, squeezes my shoulder and says:

- Ukitake, he is a _complete_ idiot.

I nod to her, and then – there are only two of us.

Snowflakes are falling on his wide straw hat, but they don't melt immediately. I smile.

- Come in.

* * *

I make him take off the unnecessary hat and look me in the eyes, after carefully folding his kimono and haori on the back of the chair. We are sitting in front of each other on my futon in a complete silence, and behind the window the first snow is continuing to dance, covering the ground with the freshness of winter colds. I am a little bit sad that I won't hear soon the relaxing rustling sounds of rain and the foliage of the trees. Instead - there will be lots of hungry blizzards, and the roofs are going to sink from the onslaught of the heavy snowdrifts… And I am going to toss and turn under the fat blanket, hiding desperately from all the drafts. But, perhaps, this time… not alone.

I say nothing, and he says nothing, and time flows in strange spurts – when I move the persistent strands of hair away from my face, or he smoothes out the wrinkles on his black hakama. When the clock strikes twelve, I get up and go to the second room to get the black kimono. For him. Because I really hope that this time he will stay. Forever.

When I return, I kneel and offer the cloth to him, and he suddenly leans forward with all his body. And touches the floor with his head and hands. My face goes red in a second.

- Forgive me, please, forgive me if you can, - he whispers and I can see how his fingers tremble on the cold floor. I put my hands on his shoulders and make him sit back.

- Stop it, Shunsui, it's okay, - I try to calm him, and at once find myself in his hectic embrace. He hides his nose in the crook of my neck, and I stroke his tense back, enjoying the warmth of his body. I can fall asleep like this, but the night cold stubbornly tries to get me through the kosode sleeves and front, and I nudge Kyouraku in the shoulder to meet his eyes.

- Let's lie down, - I tell him, he nods, accepting the black kimono, and changes his clothes. I am lying already, sighing contentedly under the heavy blanket, when he suddenly climbs on the futon and so unexpectedly presses me down with the weight of his body.

- Kyoura…! – I manage to blurt out in indignation, before he shuts me up with a maddening kiss.

- Now you can't run away… - he says, eating me alive. For a long time he bites my lips, pushes his tongue inside my mouth and doesn't let me breathe at all, and I arch under him, when his hands slide under my kimono.

- Now you are mine, only mine, and it is always going to be like this, - he whispers, kissing along my neck, moving lower – to my bare chest. He takes my kimono off half-way, licks my nipples, and I have to bite my own palm to prevent myself from moaning out loud. He moves my hand away – pins it over my head, smiling.

- Don't, Juu-chan. I want to hear your moans.

He licks his lips – as if he is going to eat something tasty, and grins with such a promise, that I am shivering uncontrollably. Ahh. D-damn. This is so good. He grips my hips and leaves a path of kisses on my abdomen, going lower and lower and… God, is he going to…? N-no!

I try weakly to tear myself away from him, but he presses me to the futon, and next moment my head falls back, and I moan, because he takes me in his mouth, and this is so... s-so… wrong and undeniably good. I almost can't breathe, grab Kyouraku's shoulders with an intention to push him way, but he is obviously not agreeing with me, because his tongue is doing such dirty things… And then the world blows up before my eyes with myriads of bright sparks, my body cramps in trembling, and Shunsui holds me while I am learning to breathe again.

It seems like I have turned into jelly, and I tell him so several minutes later with barely controlled voice. I am not really able to gather the remains of my mind. I am as red as a beet again and I hide my face in my hands, which are so heavy as if they are full of lead. Shunsui laughs, lies back, pulling me on himself, and I've never before seen such a content smile on his face. I am melting, lying on his chest, and he covers us with a blanket, and slowly I fall asleep, feeling his warm hand on my shoulder.

He wakes me up in the middle of the night with his tender and gentle and painfully slow touch. He kisses me everywhere he can reach, and half-asleep I can't understand at once what it is that he wants.

- Juu… may I?

My cheeks redden again, but I nod. I am a little bit afraid, and ashamed, and this is my first time and I wish the earth could just swallow me up, but I can't say him no. I _don't_ want to say no to him.

He torments me sweetly for a long time, prepares me thoroughly, and I arch under him, hiding my face. He almost makes me go wild, and I can't take it anymore and I pound on the floor once with my clenched fist.

- For God's sake, just do it already, - I howl and dig my nails into his broad back, when he spreads my legs apart and enters me.

It really hurts, but Shunsui isn't in a hurry and he strokes my hair while I bite my own lips from the pain. I watch as drops of sweat slide down his tense face – he is holding back, stopping himself from pounding into me and I press my forehead against his, feeling as my heart may suddenly stop beating from this unbearable gentleness.

Slowly the pain subsides, leaving the unpleasant feeling of fullness after itself, and only then Shunsui starts moving. For a minute I am forced to wonder whether someone really likes this process that much, but then Shunsui finds some place deep inside of me and grins so wickedly, when my face becomes a mask of half-shock half-pleasure and I scratch his back involuntary with my nails, that I want to flare in fury. But I don't have the powers to express that – I can barely suppress screaming from the wild pleasure.

- What… what did you do? – I breathe out.

- Shhh, - he kisses my temple, - Relax.

He moves inside once again and finds that spot without a fault. Shunsui, damn you, nnngh. This is so, ahh, good.

With every move of his hips my moans get louder and louder, and if I could think, I could've realized that Kotetsu and Kotsubaki may come to check what this noise is all about. But I can't think at all, and soon I arch on the sheets in sheer pleasure. It covers me full-force, and for a moment I even lose consciousness.

When I open my eyes, Shunsui is still inside and he wants me. A sigh falls from my lips. Was he waiting all this time while I was out?.. With my last ounce of strength I embrace his shoulders and slide my hand tenderly down his scratched back.

- Do it.

He presses me down harder.

- Sure? I can stop if…

He doesn't finish his sentence, because I suddenly move slightly towards him.

- Yes, you can, - I answer, - But you don't have to.

I look at him while he pounds inside me, and groan a little from time to time from the pleasant feeling. It seems like he did me completely, because the desire doesn't come, but I yield to him anyway.

I don't know how much time passes, but at some point Shunsui softly growls, bites my shoulder, pushes inside my body one last time, stands still, shivering above me and then falls, drained of all energy, beside me.

- You're the best… - he whispers, still out of breath, and I smack weakly his hand.

- Don't you dare to compare me with your harem.

He laughs, pulling me closer, and I sigh contentedly.

- I didn't mean it like that.

- Sure, - I mutter, - How long?

For a second he is trying to understand what I mean, winding playfully a strand of my grey locks on his finger, but then freezes and lowers his face in my disheveled hair.

- Too long, Juu. Too long…

I kiss his unshaved chin, and his stubble tickles my skin oh so pleasantly.

- Why haven't you ever said anything?

He mumbles something, and now it's my time to laugh.

- You little coward.

During the rest of the night I find myself cuddling up to his broad back, and in the morning I wake up from his leisurely kiss.

Kotetsu and Kotsubaki's faces, upon seeing me, reach an unprecedented level of red, and I blush in response, especially when Kyouraku comes out from the room right behind me and smacks my aching ass with all his might.

I can barely stand during the captains' meeting and Unohana, though smiling, gives Kyouraku a strict talking-to right after the end of meeting. The way she drags him, like a child, around the hall, almost pulling off his ear, is really funny.

Some time later the gossiping about us fly around the whole Seireitei, and I am terrified that the astounding number of people in response just shrugs their shoulders, saying that, actually, they had suspected it a long time ago. In an honor of such a heresy I decide to get drunk, and let Shunsui do with my body everything he wants to.

In winter I manage to avoid falling ill, because at nights he warms me up thoroughly. In mid-winter Kyouraku's ex-harem unites against me with an evil desire to develop a secret plot of my elimination, and soon they are forced to know what it is – the fury of one of the captains of Gotei-13. Because of that for a long time Shunsui has to apologize for being a complete rake before me, but I deny him forgiveness, because the way he wanders under my windows, from time to time sinking in the deep piles of snow, makes me laugh. I let him in only when the real fear in his eyes begins to repress the joyful sparks. I tell him that he is an idiot and pull the blanket around his shoulders and make him a cup of hot tea. He calms up and a moment later moans that he wants to drink some sake. But we call it a truce, when I suggest that instead of sake he will get me.

In spring we are listening together how the heavy rains patter on the roof.

And in summer he drags me to the forest, throws on his thrice cursed pink kimono to commit my mind and my body to the debauchery once more. Unfortunately we forget that the academy training grounds are situated not very far from the place, and next day we have to sit through Yamamoto-sensei's long and furious tirade, and even Kyouraku's hat falls off his head when sensei starts to scream. In the end the old man calms and sends us home with the words:

- Despite everything, I have to admit, that you're good for that idiot, Juushirou. At least now he hands in his reports on time.

I bow in respect, and we leave. At the foot of the stairs Kyouraku pushes me towards one of the columns, his hands wander under my haori and kosode and he dares to try and take off my hakama. I can not say anything, because he shuts me up with a kiss.

Alas, we are not able to finish what we started, hearing the light steps, and next moment Kuchiki Byakuya is forced to stare at a completely indecent sight in front of him. I am half-naked and my legs are wrapped around Shunsui's hips. At that moment Byakuya's face has such an embarrassed and shocked expression, and he turns away and leaves so fast, that it makes me and Kyouraku laugh until we cry – Shunsui even falls on his knees, and I slide down the column to his lap. We can't stop laughing until we reach home, because we really haven't seen any emotions from Byakuya since he was a teenager.

At night when Shunsui falls asleep, I nuzzle against his prickly stubble and sigh.

I love him.

Damn you, Shunsui Kyouraku, you've driven me completely and utterly mad.

You drunkard and lazy ass, I can't breathe without you.

Do you hear me, idiot?

- I _do_ hear you, Juu, you know.

Oh, my… did I say that aloud?

-owari-

w\n: May 2010

t\d: September 2010 – January 2011

* * *

Now… I am having this little problem of choosing the next ShunUki story for translation. How about I write you all the titles here and you'll choose one of them and leave me a review with your choice, hmm? Even if I'll get one opinion on the matter – it will be enough.

The titles are: _Arrancar and Shinigami_ (R, ~5800 words); _Truth or Dare_ (AU, R, ~5300 words); _Two Fates, One Story_ (AU, NC-21, ~15300 words); _Blind_ (R, ~3600 words); _Sands_ (AU, R, ~22700 words); _Unrequited love_ (AU, R, ~11900 words); _Follow me_ (AU, PG-15, ~5600 words); _An Angel and a Demon_ (AU, NC-17, ~13700 words); _Twenty One_ (AU, NC-17,~10400 words); _Rustling_ (AU, PG-13, ~1500 words); _A Pirate Tale_ (AU, R, ~28000 words).

Whoa, almost all those fics are monsters. Anyway don't forget, please, to leave me a review – it helps to live, you know.)


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